I’m going to say something that might sting a bit: nobody cares about your business history. I know, I know. You’re proud of it. You’ve worked hard. Your journey matters to you. But when your website starts with “We began our business in 1987…” or your About page is just a litany of “We do this” and “We do that,” you’ve lost your reader before they’ve finished the first paragraph.
I see this everywhere, and it makes me do eye rolls (in my head… well, of course, what I mean is, my brain does it, not my actual eyes). It’s like businesses feel obligated to fill their websites with copy instead of thinking about what would be interesting (or useful!) to the reader. It’s all about them instead of connecting with their ideal customers’ pain points.
If your reader sees all of the things they’re dealing with reflected back at them, if you make them feel like you get it, like you truly understand what they’re going through, they’re going to desperately want to know what your solution is. They won’t be out there getting price comparisons. They’ll feel safe with you. You’ll have their trust because you understand what they’re dealing with.
The two deadly sins of business copy
There are two major culprits that kill connection on business websites, and I see them constantly.
Sin #1: The ‘we’ problem
Open any business website. I can almost guarantee you’ll see something like this within the first three paragraphs:
“We are a family-owned business established in 1995…”
“We pride ourselves on quality service…”
“We offer comprehensive solutions…”
“We believe in putting our clients first…”
Every sentence starts with ‘we.’ Every paragraph centres on the business. And whilst you’re busy talking about yourself, your potential customer is scrolling away, thinking ‘But what about me? What about my problem?’
The truth is brutal: visitors to your website aren’t there to learn your origin story; it’s a nice-to-have. They’re there because they have a problem, and they’re hoping you might be able to solve it. If you don’t immediately show them you understand their world, they’ll find someone else who does.
Sin #2: Generic unique selling points
The second sin is almost worse because it masquerades as customer-focused copy. These are the statements that make me groan:
“We put our clients first.”
“Quality is our top priority.”
“We’re committed to excellence.”
“Customer service is at the heart of everything we do.”
Really? As opposed to what? Putting clients last? Prioritising mediocrity? Being committed to being rubbish? These statements are so generic that they’re meaningless. Of course you do these things! Unfortunately, so does everyone else. These aren’t unique selling points; they’re basic expectations dressed up as differentiators.
What your customers want to read
Imagine visiting a website and immediately seeing your exact struggle described in words that feel like they’ve been plucked from your own thoughts. Not generic industry problems, but your specific, frustrating, keeps-you-up-at-night challenges.
That’s what creates connection. That’s what builds trust. When someone feels truly understood, the sale becomes easy because you’ve already demonstrated that you get them. Here’s an example. Instead of:
“We provide comprehensive IT support services for small businesses.”
Try something like:
“You’ve woken up early for your first international client call. The chance to expand overseas. You’re prepared, professional, five minutes early. You click to join. Then the software starts updating… and updating… and you’re watching the clock tick while your opportunity slips away. Sound familiar?”
One of those statements is about you. The other is about them. Which one do you think creates more connection?
The toddler technique for finding your real story
When I work with clients on their copy, I often turn into a toddler. You know how toddlers ask ‘why?’ about everything? That’s exactly what I do. I’ll ask a business owner why they do what they do. They’ll give me an answer. Then I say “why?” again. They answer. I say “why?” again.
I keep asking why until we hit gold.
Here’s an example from a speed networking event I attended. I met an insurance agent, and naturally, I started with my toddler technique.
Me: “What do you do?”
Her: “I help families get the right insurance coverage.”
Me: “Why?”
Her: “Because having the right insurance can prevent financial disaster.”
Me: “Why?”
Her: “Gosh, I haven’t really thought about it.”
Me: “So why does preventing financial disasters matter to you?”
Her: pause “When I was younger, my mum got really sick. There was this medicine that could have helped her, but it cost an absolute fortune. We didn’t have insurance that covered it. We had to set up a GoFundMe page and fundraise just to get her the treatment she needed.”
There it is. The gold.
Her continued: “That experience… it changed everything for me. I want to make sure that never happens to anyone. I never want another family to have to beg for money online just to get their loved one the medicine they need.”
Now, if you’d been reading that story on her website, would you connect with her differently than if you’d read “I provide comprehensive insurance solutions for families?”
Of course you would. Because now you know she has a true intention to help, to serve. This isn’t about commission. This is personal. This is purpose.
When money is the answer (but not the real answer)
Sometimes when you ask ‘why,’ the answer is money. And that’s okay! Everyone needs to earn a living. But money is rarely the final answer. It’s usually just the vehicle.
Maybe someone started their business because they needed financial security after a redundancy. Fair enough. But why did they choose this particular business? Why this industry? Why this way of serving people?
Keep asking why. Even if someone ‘fell into’ their trade or industry, there’s still a story there. Maybe they discovered they were brilliant at solving a particular problem. Maybe they saw a gap in how their industry treated customers. Maybe they found unexpected joy in a specific type of work. Maybe they admired someone who was in that industry.
There’s always something deeper than just “I needed money.” And that deeper thing? That’s what creates connection.
Examples of pain point copy that works
Let me give you some before-and-after examples to illustrate the difference.
Example 1: Accountant
Before (generic, we-focused):
“We are a chartered accounting firm with over 20 years of experience. We provide tax preparation, bookkeeping, and financial planning services. We pride ourselves on accuracy and timely service.”
After (pain point-focused):
“Shoebox of receipts. Looming tax deadline. That sick feeling in your stomach because you know you’ve probably missed something important. The IRD letter you’re too scared to open.
We get it. Numbers aren’t your thing. Running your business is. You didn’t start a business to spend weekends sorting receipts and Googling tax deductions. You started it because you’re brilliant at what you do.
What if your books were just… done? No guilt. No panic. No mystery letters from the tax office. Just clarity, and time back to do what you love.”
See the difference? The second version speaks directly to the reader’s experience. It validates their feelings. It shows understanding before it offers solutions.
Example 2: Business coach
Before (generic, we-focused):
“We are certified business coaches with extensive experience helping entrepreneurs reach their goals. We offer one-on-one coaching, group programmes, and workshops designed to accelerate business growth.”
After (pain point-focused):
“You’ve read the books. Listened to the podcasts. Followed all the advice. And yet somehow, you’re still working 60-hour weeks, your profit margins are thin, and you can’t remember the last time you took a proper holiday.
The dream was freedom. Time with family. Building something meaningful. But instead, you’ve created an expensive job that owns you.
There’s a reason the strategies that work for everyone else aren’t working for you. And it’s not because you’re doing something wrong.”
This version immediately acknowledges the gap between expectation and reality. It validates the frustration. It hints at a personalised solution without making promises it can’t keep.
Example 3: Web designer
Before (generic, we-focused):
“We create beautiful, functional websites for small businesses. With over 10 years of experience in web design and development, we specialise in user-friendly, mobile-responsive sites that help businesses establish their online presence.”
After (pain point-focused):
“Your website’s supposed to be working for you whilst you sleep. Instead, it just… sits there. Looking pretty enough, maybe. But not ringing the phone. Not filling your calendar. Not doing any of the heavy lifting you were promised it would do.
Meanwhile, your competitors with their seemingly basic websites are somehow booked out for months.
The problem isn’t that your website’s ugly. It’s that it’s not speaking to the people you want to work with.”
The second version identifies a specific, frustrating problem (a website that looks good but doesn’t convert) and hints at the real issue (messaging, not design) without getting technical.
How to find your customers’ real pain points
You might be thinking, ‘Okay, I get it. But how do I find out what my customers’ pain points are?’ Here are some practical ways to uncover them:
1. Listen to your sales conversations. What questions do people ask repeatedly? What objections come up? What stories do they tell you about why they need your help now?
2. Read your reviews and testimonials. Look at what customers say about life before they worked with you. That’s where the pain points live.
3. Join communities where your ideal clients hang out. Facebook groups, Reddit, industry forums. Just listen. What are they complaining about? What keeps coming up?
4. Interview your best clients. Ask them: What was going on when you decided you needed help? What had you tried before? What were you most worried about?
5. Think about the emotions, not just the logistics. It’s not just ‘I need a new website.’ It’s “I feel embarrassed showing people my current website” or “I’m losing sleep over how much business I might be missing.”
The gold is in the specifics. The more specifically you can describe someone’s exact situation, the more they’ll feel like you’re speaking directly to them.
Putting it into practice
Here’s your homework: Go to your website right now. Count how many times the word ‘we’ appears in your first three paragraphs. Then count how many times you directly address a pain point your customer experiences.
If ‘we’ wins, it’s time for a rewrite.
Start every piece of copy by asking yourself: What does my reader care about right now? What problem brought them here? What are they worried about? What do they desperately want?
Answer those questions first. Show them you understand their world. Make them feel seen. Then (and only then) introduce yourself as the guide who can help them.
Because here’s the truth about connection: it never goes away. People want to be understood. They want to feel like you get what they’re going through. And when you demonstrate that understanding through your words, you build the kind of trust that no amount of “we’ve been in business since 1987” ever could.
Your origin story matters. Your qualifications matter. Your unique approach matters. But none of it matters if you haven’t first shown your reader that you understand their world.
So stop talking about yourself quite so much, and start talking about them. Their struggles. Their frustrations. Their specific, real-world problems. Show them you understand. Then, and only then, show them how you can help.
Want help finding the gold in your business story and turning it into copy that connects? That’s what we do at MasterJack. Get in touch, and let’s uncover what makes your story worth telling.